each week i have so much i want to unload off my shoulders, me head, my heart about whats going on. and i don’t. or somehow don’t have the time. what brings me back today is what always has to writing. and it has always something to do with love. I’ve written always since i was wee little in the second grade writing about love. its everywhere isn’t it. tonite my little girl and i were watching a tv series called brothers and sisters. and though i never care to let her watch what I’m watching I’ve been lenient on this show. its pretty pg13. and there are true and wonderful topics that come into play in the show. its real life in a sweet way. and she saw a person hurt. and she was crying ever so quietly as i did when i was her age watching many indian movies. and i wish i had the strength as she did today to go up to one of my parents and share my tears.she hugged me tight and told me she can’t stop being sad. see this isn’t about the tears being shed and over what-its about how i was more than able to console her without being untruthful of how life works. without sugar coating anything. and she understood that theres a tun of good with the bad and ugly. and still if you have someone to tell you the truth of life and its weird ways-youll be ok. that when you see the pain on someone else’s face you can feel sorry for them and be thankful at the same time.  i told her what i always do myself.  thankyou lord for not giving this kind of pain to the ones i love or to myself. i am ever so grateful for that blessing. but at the same time i always offer a prayer in my heart for that soul. either for a pain free life or lots of happiness or both. and thats what gets me going. she understood this along with a joke that always makes things lighter in any situation (how she has 4 teeth missing in the front and whistles every time she talks and it goes unnoticed after awhile).

she hugged me again and opened her shower door to tell me this: “you’re the greatest mom ever-you know that” and for that moment i really felt that. each and every day thru a million minutes i judge what i could have done, what i could have chosen to say to make something better than what it was. as a mother and a person i go over and over things that i could have done better than what was done. i find myself the biggest critique of well- myself. and its ever so exhausting. we are our very worst judge. and i might as well be my worst enemy. but moments like those make it worth while. and i know I’m doing whatever is within me to try to lead by example. thats all we can do even when its hard.